it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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