Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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