I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize