My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
