I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
