Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
pop tarts are not kleenex
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
