I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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