I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Operation Purity has been aborted
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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