Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
