Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
