Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
