This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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