My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
