i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
