My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
