Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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