I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
