Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
