Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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