awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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