Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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