All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are we still banned from the library?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
