But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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