'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
