Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
