connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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