the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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