Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
