i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she smelled like a LAN party
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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