I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
