Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just had sex on a roof
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
