She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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