I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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