look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
