Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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