I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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