He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
