Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
