So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Man, jail baloney is awful.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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