end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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