Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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