He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
