My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
