Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
