I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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