i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
