Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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