forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize