You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
