nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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