so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
