On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
