Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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