Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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