I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
