So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
