I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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