I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
