9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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