Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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