when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize