my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if only i could text you this smell
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
