she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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