awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
