I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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