I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this hospital has no fireball
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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